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Our New French Life

November 15 2019

Six months later….

It’s so hard to believe that eight months have passed since I last wrote for this blog. What started out as a sort of chronicle of realizations, thoughts and self-soothing therapy, fell by the wayside once life and our relocation kicked into high gear. So the tl:dr: shortly after my last blog entry, I got the job, we moved to FRANCE and for the past six months, I have been unpacking, settling my family in and starting a new and very challenging job in France. And what a ride it has been. An emotional roller coaster, incredibly hard on multiple fronts but I’m still glad we made the move. Job is hard, but I’m lucky I get to work from home most days, which is super important to me. Kids are adjusting in school, but having some understandable struggles. And now it’s already time to plan for next year’s school enrollment!

We live in an old farmhouse in the countryside. Which is indeed nearly as charming as it sounds. We are still the weird American family in a small, tight knit farming village. Yup and mom speaks French “funny”. It’s all good, we are starting to get the hang of things. Slowly but surely. We don’t yet know too many people. All the local kids seem to know who we are and enjoy practicing their English on us. I am able to take a Zumba class at the local Rec Center which is great but also kind of a trip. 

Work is kicking my butt, in that I’m challeneging in learning a fully new industry, lingo, and role, oh and it’s partly in another language. I do like a challenge and have indeed been getting a run for my money. 

Oh and the visitors! We had a great summer of travel, my husband and kids mostly got to do lots of cool stuff while I joined them on weekends. We did get a few weeks of family holiday, southern France with the extended family and a couple of week roadtrip in Italy and southern France. Then my parents came to visit us, the in laws were here for the kids birthdays, and my sister and her husband were just here with us a week or so ago. Weekends out of town to visit friends and family were also intermixed. Another visit to the in laws (in a warmer climate) during the kids Fall break also just happened. 

The kids school schedule looks like this: six weeks of school, two weeks of vacation. And while school is in session, it’s M/Tu 830-1630, Wednesday off (horse lessons and camp), Th/Fri 830-1630. So lucky. They did skip an academic year in coming to France though due to their fall birthdays, so that coupled with everything 100% in French has been a big challenge for them. But they are up to it. Their school is actually quite a bit easier than their highly rated charter school in AZ. So that’s a good thing and a bad thing. Good in that they were in some ways not that shocked by skipping a grade. Less good in that they are basically losing any academic advantage they had in coming here, since their current school is rather basic (hello 3 digit addition/subtraction in 5th grade?!). 

I had thought I would get in amazing shape after being here for 6 months since, as we all know, “French Women Don’t Get Fat” however can you say pastries? Bread? Oh and how am I supposed to exercise when it rains?! I’m sure I’ll will eventually join a gym and stop enjoying the pastries so much. I think my husband is making up for lost time (15 years in the US) for the time being. And I have such a ridiculous sweet tooth it’s hard for me to ignore pastries if they are good, fresh, tasty and in my home. Still waiting for the weight to drop off. When I’m in the office I have great food prepared for me, but since I’ve been mostly WFH that means I’m cooking for myself and it’s not always the healthiest. Eventually the weight will come off, maybe once the pastries are no longer a novelty…..

Oh and the construction. Mostly my husband has been busy with construction projects basically since we arrived. We placed a bunch of orders in June, August everything and everyone was closed, and only in October/November are we getting these things finally delivered/installed. You definitely cannot be in a rush here while doing home improvement projects. Oh and did I mention we have zero closets in our home?! My kitchen is the size of a postage stamp, my laundry is not in the main house, no bookshelves, no pantry and still have many boxes to unpack. Oh and the living room / dining room combination is tiny and where all the action happens (homework, eating, family movies, laundry folding). And there is some sort of a creature living in our walls/attic. Not sure if it’s a mouse or what, but it sounds big. 

Ok that should do it for today. I’ll try not to be such a stranger and write again soon.

Our New French Life

March 26 2019

Inspections, moving companies and Hiring Committee 

What a crazy past couple of months it has been since my last entry. After my January panic induced internet research rampages, I mellowed out in February and most of March and even settled into a complacent, dare I say content era. Still uncertain about the job front, but able to take concrete steps toward the actual physical move and pleased with items within my control (and serenity to accept those I cannot change….).

Getting our house ready to sell, major purging, selling and packing of items that crowded or personalized the house and getting it ready to put on the market for sale. An insane 10 day window (during which we even had out of town family staying with us) from when we decided to list the house with a traditional realtor (rather than an ibuyer, ie Zillow cash offer) to when we left the house and the listing went live. A whirlwind visit to France, a glimpse and taste of our soon to be “New French Life”, then just as quickly as we arrived on the continent, it was time to come back to our US based life. 

After 2 short weeks of open houses and keeping the house in near perfect (but still inhabited by a family!!) show ready state, we secured and accepted an offer to sell our home. As I write this entry (trying to distract myself) I have a stranger wandering through my home performing the home inspection for the buyers. We put the house on the market a good while before we needed to sell it. And since the best case scenario happened, we will actually have to rent a local house for over a month as we will hopefully close escrow while still finishing up our time in AZ. Fun times. 

In my spare time I interviewed for a real job at my current employer and through God’s grace have made it to the Hiring Committee. I should know in the next few days the fate of the next era of my life. In the meantime I’m desperately trying not to think. Not to breathe (not really). Repeatedly calendar stalking the recruiter but refraining from nudging her for an update until the allotted time has elapsed (easier said than done). 

If I get the job transfer that means our lives will be financially secure (sorta) but that I will take on a one hour each way daily commute on public transportation. Whereas today I walk downstairs to my home office. Major change. And If I don’t get the transfer, I get to enjoy the long summer with my family, get our household set up, live frugally and eventually (maybe) look for a job in the Fall, or so. Both options have their pros and cons. Neither are perfect. I am at peace with both. It is just the not knowing that is slowing driving me I.N.S.A.N.E. 

Oh and my other spare time I’ve been trying to sort out the complicated, nonsensical world of international shipping and relocation companies. I have contacted no less than 15 companies, created a detailed trix in an effort to reconcile differing and never similar quotes in an effort to compare, decipher what we need and plan for this massive relocation. All the while trying to convince my dear husband that we truly don’t need 5 cars and 2 motorcycles in France, we really don’t. 

KIds are doing fairly well but they are so over the school year. They are both doing great in French class, because that is what matters most right about now. But my son’s Mandarin teacher is a bit demanding and he can’t quite turn his homework in on time. Thankfully that grade doesn’t impact his GPA (whatever that matters in 3rd grade). My daughter pretty much refuses to go to school most mornings. Fun times. 

So we bought one way airline tickets the other day for all four of us. That was crazy. With all my international travels and extended time away from my home base, I have always had a round trip ticket. Something about it feels so final, so completely moving from the US to France. It makes perfect practical sense, but it also feels so heavy, so final. 

We decided to have my husband and daughter head over a bit earlier since the end of the school year is basically just fun times and since in France they will actually be learning and doing coursework. So they fly out mid-May (less than two months away) and my son and I stick around and fly out a couple of weeks later in early June. 

So that’s what my past few weeks/months have been like.

Our New French Life
Jan 28 2019

Climate change. And no, I’m not talking about the very real phenomenon of global warming, at least not directly. What I’m talking about is the temperature differences between our current location (sunny Phoenix Arizona) and soon to be adoptive land of the Yvelines region, just outside of Paris, France. Case in point, as I write this post in late January, it is currently 61F / 16 C in Phoenix vs 35 F / 2 C in our new village in Ile de France. Holy cow that is a huge discrepancy.

Thankfully (due in large part to my husbands wisdom) we plan to make this move once the kids finish their current school year, aka end of May/early June. That is just about when it is starting to get unbearably hot in Phoenix and quite comfortable and pleasant in France. So we will get to enjoy the temperate winter in the desert and the mild summer in France. Sounds downright perfect.

This weekend we got out and about and went on a family bike ride in the desert foothills near by where we live. There were cacti, mountains, fresh air, temps were in the mid 70s and we went outdoors as a family. All in all a great reminder of why we live in the desert, especially this time of year. This contrasts starkly with SNOW that fell in Paris this past week. Our suitcases full of sweaters, jackets, scarves and boots that have been in deep storage for the past many years will once again see the light of day and be much appreciated! Now we just need to convince our kids that leggings (for my daughter) and shorts (for my son) may be OK for January in Phoenix, but more than likely won’t fly at all for France in January.

Our New French Life

Jan 25 2019

So when we were in France over the New Years holiday, we visited a couple of schools for our 7 and 9 year old kids. One was the tiny, walking distance away village school, total student enrollment 75 kids. The other one was an amazing, top ranked international K-12 school with 4000 students a 30 minute drive/60 minute bus ride away. The international school looks amazing and is definitely where I would love our children to go to high school and likely middle school. But upon our arrival, and for their elementary school years, we opted for the local village school.

I got the impression that a couple of Anglophone students is quite out of the norm for this small village school. We met with the Director and got a tour of the school in early January. The kids felt stared at by all the other kids. I tried to console them, saying it is a tiny village school where everyone knows everyone else. Not only are you new, it is an odd time of the year for new kids to visit AND perhaps the kids heard you speaking English, observed you playing a bit louder and messier than they are used to and/or noted your (and our clothing) is not at all French.

I didn’t have the heart to tell my young children that this was only the start, the tip of the iceberg. That until they perfect their French (I give them six months max upon our arrival), they will continue to be an oddity, an anomaly, different from the norm. And that isn’t always a bad thing.

This week I exchanged emails with the School Director and City Hall to complete the children’s school enrollment paperwork. It seemed way too easy. We are contemplating a trip back for a week over the kids Spring Break in March to get done all the things we ran out of time to do in January due to our delayed closing date.

Limbo. And now we wait. (Wouldn’t you know it, the Daddy Yankee song Limbo just came on my radio station. Coincidence, I think not!! I’ve never been very patient or otherwise good at waiting. Last week I had two interviews for a job transfer and this week I had an informational meeting about another opportunity. The job from last week is already gone, they rejected me. The job would have been in French which sort of stresses me out. The early stage opportunity would be mostly in English which excited me. We won’t know if that is a real one though until the Spring. Perfect timing my husband said. Feels a bit late in our plan for my planning nature. A motto I have heard that applies here is to “fail fast”. At least the job opportunity came and went fast and now I can move on, quickly. I try to find solace and console myself in that it wasn’t meant to be. The right opportunity will come along. “Try to have faith” I say. Easier said than done.

I have taken to reading my bible and doing various YouVersion devotionals to try and process the feelings and emotions I am having. That helps, some. Talking things over with my husband or my best friend, taking walks alone to process my thoughts. Those are all helpful things I have been doing, perhaps not enough. Maybe this blog writing will also serve as an outlet for my to process all the thoughts and feelings I am going through.

Once the kids (and us) got over our jet lag this weekend, I think they are processing the emotions of what is will be like to leave our life here and start a new one in France. Our son is eager and didn’t want to leave in January. “Can’t we just stay now, Mommy?”  

It feels like just two years ago (almost exactly) when we left California for greener pastures in Arizona. A few short months thereafter my job was going away so I dealt with the existential crisis of who am I, what do I want to do, what does my ideal job/lifestyle look like. I went through a lot of soul searching. And at the end, was fortunate to land a role within my same company that requires virtually no travel and all remote work from home. I am incredibly blessed and fortunate and try to remind myself of that daily. One hope was that I could continue doing the work I do today, but from a European location, perhaps work East Coast 7am-4pm hours (1pm to 10pm in France). Not ideal but a known job and this would make our landing a bit smoother (and keep my stock vesting…). For now this idea looks like it is dying a sad and painful death.

It was incredibly hard for us to close on the purchase of our house, have some furniture moved in, turn on the power, make copies of the keys and then turn around and come back to our life still waiting for us in Arizona. Now granted, observing the differences of weather between Paris and Phoenix this time of year makes it a wee bit more palatable. 🙂 But after having worked and hoped so long and hard to make the house a reality, finally achieving that reality, visualizing the lifestyle, visiting the school, the kids picking their rooms in the house, only to turn around and come home just feels anticlimactic.

Now granted we have a TON of work to do before we are ready to pack up and leave. We have cars/motorcycles/boat to sell, furniture to sell/donate, clothes and toys to get rid of, MANY boxes to to pack, affairs to get in order, friends to visit with and say goodbye to. And we will likely need all the time between now and early June. It is just hard. Hard to know it is there and our new life is waiting for us. One foot in the new life and the rest of me still in the current life. Not really motivated to meet new neighbors, parents at school or invest much at work, since it will all likely go away in four short months.

Obsession. Internet rabbit holes. Or research? Two things I starting thinking obsessing about this week were 1) professional attire while working in an office in the fashion capital of the world and 2) finding local activities for the kids (classes, sports, etc) which quickly evolved to finding a local gym (or equivalent) for me. Now on the attire topic, I have worked in Tech and/or from home for most of my career. Despite most of my meetings being virtual, I often stay in my pjs well past lunch. Even when I did go into the office it was in the Bay Area/Silicon Valley in California. Jeans and a logo t-shirt were the uniform of choice.

In the US I’ve been eyeing such services as Stitch Fix or mm.LaFleur but these don’t appear to exist in France (perhaps a business idea there). I looked into personal stylists in Paris, which although they exists are a fricking fortune! I emailed an American friend in Paris who told me not to worry, that she wishes she didn’t bring any clothing over from the US. That twice a year (Jan and July) everything goes on sale and you can find some great deals. In winter (aka half the year) she lives in boots and a lot can be done accessorizing with scarves. I used to care about how I looked, back when I was younger, single and thinner. I still have a huge inventory of scarves from when I lived and worked in Europe in my early 20s that has sat dormant for a few years (ehem decades…). I felt encouraged, excited and a bit overwhelmed at the thought of compiling a French professional wardrobe. I found some interesting exercise classes and facilities for me and of course a ton of sports, classes and activities for the kiddos. Now it all depends on what we will have more of, time or money. Perhaps both, perhaps neither. Only time will tell.  

Until next time!

Shawna

Our New French Life

Jan 21 2019

I’m starting a blog. What does that even mean? Is it like a journal? A way to collect and process my thoughts as I’m going through a significant life event? Sort of. Oh that and I’m going to publish it for the “world” to see, read and pick apart. Oh that sounds like a great idea! The only other blogging experience I have is a weak one when my first child was born, and the several that I regularly read. By why not? You only live once and it sounds like a good idea.

Who am I and why should you care? I am a (mostly) loving wife, (often struggling) mother and (somewhat) professional about to embark on a life changing journey across the world (and I’m not talking about the flight!). We are about to to take our family of four on an adventure. We are moving to FRANCE!! There I said it. We have been thinking and planning and discussing this specific idea for over a year now. But the concept and possibility have existed for 17 years or so, ever since I met my French husband in Spain back in 2002. When we announced our engagement to his French grandmother we were given the cold shoulder and there was a sentiment that I was stealing away her precious grandson to a foreign land. Yeah! Welcome to the family!

Fast forward a few years, we got married and settled into California/Arizona before eventually having kids. The discussion to relocate back to Europe was broached numerous times pre-kids, but the consensus was, we hadn’t yet achieved what we set out to in the US. Well here we are, married nearly 15 years later, two kids, some investments, two great jobs, aging parents on both sides of the world, and jobs that barely allow us time off to enjoy visits with friends and family in Europe. I’m skipping over a lot of moves and details in the middle, but you get the drift I’m sure.

I grew up in a quiet bedroom community in the (deep) East Bay area (Northern CA, about an hour East of San Francisco) and my husband grew up in the 19ieme arrondissment of Paris. The two neighborhoods couldn’t have been more different from one another. Since we have been together we have tended mostly toward quiet but somewhat central suburban locations. In my 20s (back when I was mostly about nightlife) I lived in a few large cities and loved them! However, since maturing (ehem) and having kids, I have a whole new appreciation for sleepy suburban (even rural) places to raise a family.

When we were in France this past summer (after about 6 months of obsessive internet searching) we toured prospective regions in the countryside surrounding Paris (calm but commutable) that we could afford and where we would consider moving to with our family.  (I’ll save our home search and purchase process for its own post later, as that was quite an experience!). We ended up making offers on two properties and getting an accepted offer in early August on a restored farmhouse in a rural community about 40 km outside of Paris in a village of 400 inhabitants.

After a 6 month process, we managed to close on the purchase of our new home in the Yvelines in early January, while we were in France over the holidays. It was a process, an achievement and a major milestone all in one. Now we are back to our lives in AZ while we wait for the kids to finish their school year and for either job transfer(s) or……come end of the school year we will quit our two very good jobs to look for new ones in France. Sounds crazy, I know. But I have been listening to a lot of FI/RE blogs and reading a fair number of podcasts for the past year or so. And while I feel terrified by the notion of quitting our jobs and trusting in our investments, I am at the same time oddly excited and thrilled by the notion of living a simpler life.  

Until next time!

Shawna